the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
birth control should be required to get into college
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
