PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
