I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
