there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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