the condom got lost in my hair
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
