dude i'm inner monologue high
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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