i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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