C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
