Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
