i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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