Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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