The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
