direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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