Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Couch. On fire.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
