I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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