I heard we made out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
