Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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