I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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