There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
