I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
