then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
