i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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