Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
