she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
