the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
