dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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