Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
