this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
