I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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