don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
