1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
These tits shall not be calmed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
