Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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