2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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