3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
