I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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