Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
