All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
