Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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