I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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