make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
