When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
