I can text with my tongue
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
