Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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