Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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