im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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