She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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