Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
