my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
