I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
