so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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