I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
