I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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