she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
